[ The more Sirius talks, the more he brings up and steps towards him and talks over him makes James want to react back. It's more like them, the talking and yelling and what have you. Closer you are the harder you fight, and when Sirius spouts his reasons - and damn him, damn him to hell for making sense - James just wants to yell. ]
When? Right when you got back? 'Oh, hey mate, listen I've got something to tell you--' [ James wants to scream. Sirius took a step forward and James would match it, would step forward as well, close the distance, but he doesn't know if he can. And maybe his voice cracks a little, shakes a little, the louder he gets; but he doesn't really care. It's a battle of seeing who can speak louder, and by default whose words mean more. ] I ran into my bloody son, Sirius! And he didn't even want to tell me because it would upset you lot?
[ it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair. It's not fair because it's not Sirius' or Remus' fault. If James had been given the chance, he probably would have done the same, and that's the worst part. Because he would have done it to protect his friends, and he hates thinking that he needs protecting at all. That he needs to have his hand held. Kept in the dark because who wants to know they have three years left to live? Who wants to know that they get married and have a house and a family and a life and it's cut short before it's even started? And then your best friend is blamed, has his life ruined, because everyone thinks he did it?
But then Sirius is on to fixing it, about how they're going to make sure it doesn't happen, and James' hands fall back down to his sides from where they'd been moving around, punctuating his words. They fall to his sides and clench into fists and his eyes fall with them. They're going to change it. Of course they're going to change it, but for some reason it doesn't help the knots in his stomach.
When his voice finally comes out, after sitting there in silence for a few moments, it's quieter. Clipped, strained even, but quieter. ] We have to save Lily. She can't die because I- [ he inhales through his nose. ] She can't.
action;
[ The more Sirius talks, the more he brings up and steps towards him and talks over him makes James want to react back. It's more like them, the talking and yelling and what have you. Closer you are the harder you fight, and when Sirius spouts his reasons - and damn him, damn him to hell for making sense - James just wants to yell. ]
When? Right when you got back? 'Oh, hey mate, listen I've got something to tell you--' [ James wants to scream. Sirius took a step forward and James would match it, would step forward as well, close the distance, but he doesn't know if he can. And maybe his voice cracks a little, shakes a little, the louder he gets; but he doesn't really care. It's a battle of seeing who can speak louder, and by default whose words mean more. ] I ran into my bloody son, Sirius! And he didn't even want to tell me because it would upset you lot?
[ it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair. It's not fair because it's not Sirius' or Remus' fault. If James had been given the chance, he probably would have done the same, and that's the worst part. Because he would have done it to protect his friends, and he hates thinking that he needs protecting at all. That he needs to have his hand held. Kept in the dark because who wants to know they have three years left to live? Who wants to know that they get married and have a house and a family and a life and it's cut short before it's even started? And then your best friend is blamed, has his life ruined, because everyone thinks he did it?
But then Sirius is on to fixing it, about how they're going to make sure it doesn't happen, and James' hands fall back down to his sides from where they'd been moving around, punctuating his words. They fall to his sides and clench into fists and his eyes fall with them. They're going to change it. Of course they're going to change it, but for some reason it doesn't help the knots in his stomach.
When his voice finally comes out, after sitting there in silence for a few moments, it's quieter. Clipped, strained even, but quieter. ] We have to save Lily. She can't die because I- [ he inhales through his nose. ] She can't.