That's what it all falls down to, isn't it? What the knot in his gut really means? Because they can talk big all they want - going out with a bang, staring fate down to the last moment. They can learn to change shape so they can run with werewolves and they can sneak off into the parts of the castle that scare even professors, off into the deepest parts of the woods, they can tempt fate and fight fire and dream of one day fighting a war that will solve everything. Make everything better. Fight to the death, wasn't it? The only real way to go.
But James had always thought...well. He didn't know what he thought. But it wasn't this.
Sirius grabs his shoulder and he drops his eyes to him, breathes through his nose so he can keep his jaw clenched, press down on his teeth in hopes that maybe the pressure will keep him from shaking. Sirius grabs his shoulder and James meets his eyes and there's no distance between them, leaving James feeling open. Exposed. But even that thought makes him want to laugh because of course it's Sirius. Of course it's his best mate who is going to watch him fall apart. They match each other with bravery and inspiring speeches and here is James, flimsy and fraying.
But he sounds so sure and James wants to believe him. He really does. Which is probably why he reaches up, grabs Sirius' wrist with his hand and just kind of looks at him. Looks at his best mate, who has known this. For a while now, and for a brief moment James tries to imagine knowing something like this about Sirius, knowing this kind of future, and having to carry it. It tightens his chest almost as much as the actual information had and James can't imagine having to go day by day like that. He'd have gone crazy.
Maybe he still will.
After a moment, James lets out a sigh, his shoulders sagging a bit. ] Damnit, Pads. [ A deep breath, wanting to shake his head, make some half-assed attempt at shrugging this off with a joke and going on their way. But he knows Sirius would see right through him. Right through anything he'd try to pull. ] Okay. Okay, yeah. You're right. There's got to be a way, now that we know it all.
action;
That's what it all falls down to, isn't it? What the knot in his gut really means? Because they can talk big all they want - going out with a bang, staring fate down to the last moment. They can learn to change shape so they can run with werewolves and they can sneak off into the parts of the castle that scare even professors, off into the deepest parts of the woods, they can tempt fate and fight fire and dream of one day fighting a war that will solve everything. Make everything better. Fight to the death, wasn't it? The only real way to go.
But James had always thought...well. He didn't know what he thought. But it wasn't this.
Sirius grabs his shoulder and he drops his eyes to him, breathes through his nose so he can keep his jaw clenched, press down on his teeth in hopes that maybe the pressure will keep him from shaking. Sirius grabs his shoulder and James meets his eyes and there's no distance between them, leaving James feeling open. Exposed. But even that thought makes him want to laugh because of course it's Sirius. Of course it's his best mate who is going to watch him fall apart. They match each other with bravery and inspiring speeches and here is James, flimsy and fraying.
But he sounds so sure and James wants to believe him. He really does. Which is probably why he reaches up, grabs Sirius' wrist with his hand and just kind of looks at him. Looks at his best mate, who has known this. For a while now, and for a brief moment James tries to imagine knowing something like this about Sirius, knowing this kind of future, and having to carry it. It tightens his chest almost as much as the actual information had and James can't imagine having to go day by day like that. He'd have gone crazy.
Maybe he still will.
After a moment, James lets out a sigh, his shoulders sagging a bit. ] Damnit, Pads. [ A deep breath, wanting to shake his head, make some half-assed attempt at shrugging this off with a joke and going on their way. But he knows Sirius would see right through him. Right through anything he'd try to pull. ] Okay. Okay, yeah. You're right. There's got to be a way, now that we know it all.