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What's this? Why'd you call it- no, Sirius, stop I-
[ there's a pause, sounds of a struggle and what could probably pass as a triumphant laugh. ]
Right! Name's James Potter. 'pparently you can leave things here for me to read later? Brilliant.
Uh, what am I even supposed to say?
Wait, no, this is my bloody-
[ and the feed is cut off. blame sirius. ]
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That's what it all falls down to, isn't it? What the knot in his gut really means? Because they can talk big all they want - going out with a bang, staring fate down to the last moment. They can learn to change shape so they can run with werewolves and they can sneak off into the parts of the castle that scare even professors, off into the deepest parts of the woods, they can tempt fate and fight fire and dream of one day fighting a war that will solve everything. Make everything better. Fight to the death, wasn't it? The only real way to go.
But James had always thought...well. He didn't know what he thought. But it wasn't this.
Sirius grabs his shoulder and he drops his eyes to him, breathes through his nose so he can keep his jaw clenched, press down on his teeth in hopes that maybe the pressure will keep him from shaking. Sirius grabs his shoulder and James meets his eyes and there's no distance between them, leaving James feeling open. Exposed. But even that thought makes him want to laugh because of course it's Sirius. Of course it's his best mate who is going to watch him fall apart. They match each other with bravery and inspiring speeches and here is James, flimsy and fraying.
But he sounds so sure and James wants to believe him. He really does. Which is probably why he reaches up, grabs Sirius' wrist with his hand and just kind of looks at him. Looks at his best mate, who has known this. For a while now, and for a brief moment James tries to imagine knowing something like this about Sirius, knowing this kind of future, and having to carry it. It tightens his chest almost as much as the actual information had and James can't imagine having to go day by day like that. He'd have gone crazy.
Maybe he still will.
After a moment, James lets out a sigh, his shoulders sagging a bit. ] Damnit, Pads. [ A deep breath, wanting to shake his head, make some half-assed attempt at shrugging this off with a joke and going on their way. But he knows Sirius would see right through him. Right through anything he'd try to pull. ] Okay. Okay, yeah. You're right. There's got to be a way, now that we know it all.
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[He mutters it; it comes out thin and strained, forced out from clenched teeth and jaw--he knows, of course he knows, without James saying anything more than dammit. He could identify nearly every tick of James' eyebrow and twist of his mouth, he hardly needs words to tell him what James is thinking. But he keeps his hand firm on his shoulder--he grips a little firmer, even, like he's going to hold him up when really it's as much for his benefit as it is for James.
Because he has to know that he's real. He has to remember this: Sirius and James against the world, against fate, against everything. The two of them together, just the way they'd always said they would be, in jokes and in deep conversation, in shouts and in whispers--together, they can face it down.
--And if it does happen anyways--which it won't but if it does--he'll need this moment more than anything. And suddenly, stupidly, he feels his throat close up and that heat behind his eyes gets worse than ever, and he stares down between them, down where their feet are practically entangled, that's how close he is to James--and he lets go of his shoulder only so he can pull him into an embrace, just as fierce as his grip had been, holding tightly to him. His eyes fix furiously on one point over James' shoulder and he swallows, hard, until he's ready to answer.]
There's a way. We're-- bloody hell, James, we're the Marauders, there's nothing they can throw at us that we can't take, right? [Only Marauders includes Peter, too; he can't think of that--] We'll kill Voldemort, we'll remember everything and we'll tell it to Dumbledore and none of it is going to happen. If anyone can do it, it's us.
[But, still, he holds to James a moment longer, until he's managed to get control of himself, until his voice sounds less watery and stupid--and then he steps back, still gripping at James' arm, not yet ready to give up some small contact with him.]
All right?
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If there's one thing he can believe in, above anything else, it's Sirius.
They move almost in tandem at that moment, pulling Sirius close and just as tightly and holding his eyes shut with his face in his shoulder. The last time they embraced like this it'd been James - James pulling Sirius in, James fixing things. It was a role he was used to having, because that was something he could do. This? This was different, and James just tries to keep himself from clinging while still holding him close, while calming himself down. And then then Sirius is talking about the Marauders and James can't help but smile a little, thinking back to when they came to call themselves that. The years they've had. And maybe it's not so crazy - killing Voldemort and changing the future - when Sirius says it like that. Maybe they really can do it, because the Marauders can do anything. It doesn't even register that the Marauders includes Peter - Peter - and James just lets himself believe. ]
Always did want to kill that wizard, and now we have even more of a reason. [ When they pull apart he can still feel Sirius' hand on his arm, and it gives something for James to hold onto, himself. Something that gives him the strength to nod, to trust himself enough not to collapse. ] Just another impossible mission for the Marauders. Just another day.
[ And he does feel better. Not completely, not good, but better. There's still a weight on his shoulders and he wonders if that'll ever actually go away, but at least for now he can stand with it. ]
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[They might be lying to themselves a little--but perhaps the more they lie, the truer it will become, until they can convince themselves utterly. Or nearly utterly, Sirius would take that, even. Better that then thinking about a future that might not come true.
Because they can change it. That's what everyone has said, and they can't all be lying to themselves. And there simply can't be a world where James dies and Remus is alone. It's not allowed. So he grins, faintly, at James, and claps him once more on the arm before he takes a tiny step back, reestablishing the normal distance between them. (Though really, normal is relative, they're as like to be found collapsed on each other like puppies as they are standing apart.)]
I mean, first things first, right. We have to work out how to get back to Hogwarts in the first place. And all the time in the world to plan until then--not that we need it, not us. [They worked out the animagus spell in just a few years! They made the Marauder's Map! If anyone can do this, it's them, and some of that bravado comes back to Sirius as he studies James.] And weirdly enough, we've got your son to tell us what to do, which, good work there, I s'ppose. Weird. But good work.
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Never thought he'd have to be the one to believe the lie, but there's a first time for everything.
Sirius gives him a grin, and James just grins back, acting like he's shrugging off the pat because please. They're past all that now. He's accepted it and moved on and it doesn't matter that they didn't tell him - not really - because it's not going to happen. James' eyes fall to the space between them again, trying to swallow back the fact he still doesn't know if he's got this, if he can just move past this, before it's onto the plan. The steps. Things they can do differently. That's something he can think about, latch onto. ]
Depending on how long we're here, we might still be out for summer. Or, I will. Don't know when you came from-- [ No, thinking back on the time issues and differences just gives him a headache. ] But it's not like there's much else to do here but plan. We might actually have to take our time with it.
[ He adds a little disgusted look to the end of that, because taking time? Patience? Most of their plans were done in secret, at most days before their ploys. Granted, this was a little different, but if they had the time then who knew what they could accomplish. At the mention of Harry, James can't help but laugh - it's ridiculous, thinking that bloke's his son. ]
Can't really take credit for that, can I? Not unless you wanna talk about his dashing good looks, I didn't help with much of anything. [ Which, Merlin, how can he feel guilty about not being around to raise a kid he hasn't even had yet? How mental is that? ] Have you talked to him? Bloody serious, which makes sense with his whole 'ending the war' thing, but still.
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There's a reason I hate potions: I hate waiting.
[But it's an idle comment, more to try to reestablish something normal between them, something of their usual banter--better that then dwelling on the thought of all that time confusion.
And speaking of time confusion... as James starts in about Harry, Sirius pulls another face--though this one is slightly more pained than disgusted.]
Yeah, I talked to him. He looks like you all right, but he's not-- [He waves a hand at James, encompassing him.] He needs a girlfriend. And a drink. Maybe two. Perhaps that's what we're really here for, eh, taking care that your-- [Don't say son it's too weird] --that he gets a proper education in proper things. Marauder things.
[They can't really afford to get too distracted, not with so much to plan for--but then again, they are sort of trapped here, aren't they?]
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Then I guess we'll have to find something to distract ourselves with.
[ And maybe there's a hint of a smile with that comment, something that definitely feels more normal. More them. Plus, the wonder hasn't really worn of yet of this place - James still finds himself staring whenever he walks around, checking the network to see the other people. Everything is new and different and exciting, and if this is what he has - if this is all he has until they go home - he might as well enjoy it.
But Harry? Harry's an awkward topic. Awkward topic which means that James just wants to shrug it off but talk about it all at the same time. Sirius' face is twisted into something else, and for one reason or another James feels a tad defensive about it. ]
He seems nice enough. [ A laugh at the girlfriend comment, but yeah. That would probably help. ] He played Quidditch, apparently, so that's not failed him. And he's a Gryffindor, so it can't be too difficult to loosen him up, and then he'll fit right in. If he's not too old, of course.
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[And Sirius is going to call him a baby, age and behavior be damned. That's the way he'll deal with this, by forging fill speed ahead and teasing Harry as best as he can (no matter if he acts too old for it). After all, that's how affection and acceptance is best shown, right?]
What's he play in Quidditch? It's a pity the holly deck won't do a proper pitch, we could get him to play-- force Remus to confront his fears, see if Evans is any good...
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[ And James isn't going to think about years and dates because that will make this all seem concrete. Simply saying the future still leaves room for growth, change. Plus, James doesn't know if he even wants to think about dates at all - Harry's here, Harry needs to live a little, and he'll be damned if that bloke will remain as serious as he is today. ]
Seeker! [ And that makes him laugh a little, excited. ] Can you believe that? Says he was pretty good for a while there, before the war got bad. But what I wouldn't give for a pitch. Think we can fix one up? The holly decks might not work now but if we can figure out what kind of hex to use...they don't have brooms around here, do they? [ and there's that grin, just trying to imagine Remus up on a broom again. Evans playing quidditch. ] She'd probably be ruthless, but I say we give it a try. No harm in trying.
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Seeker. I can't believe any progeny of yours is coordinated enough to be a Seeker, I have to see this-- we'll get a pitch together and we'll look for brooms. Make a note, Potter. That's our new mission. That or we can just ask for brooms for Space Christmas. Now d'you think Evans will play as a Beater with me, she seems predisposed for that...
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Wicked, isn't it? Always knew I had it in my genes somewhere. Just a matter of it coming down through the line - pitch shouldn't be to difficult with how large this bloody ship is. But it's noted, Marauder's next mission is getting a game of quidditch to work in space. Quidditch, in space. [ And then just...laughter. ] I'd be terrified for my well being if we gave her a bat, honestly, but beyond that she'd probably be brilliant at it. As long as we can be sure she only goes after the other team.
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Nah, I'm sure it's Evans' genes doing that. She's far more graceful and coordinated and all. [A beat; he pulls a face. Complimenting Evans AND referencing the future, disgusting!] Don't tell her I said that. And don't tell her I'm the other Beater, please, or else I think she'll take the club to me instead, and we'll lose the Space Cup.
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Well apparently Lily's and my genes make a Seeker. Her coordination and my innate Quidditch talent. [ but oh ho ho he's keeping that moment for safe keeping and possibly bribery. ] Well she'll have to find out soon enough if we plan on having a match at all. And we can't lose the Space Cup, Pads. What will that say about our reputation?
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She won't have to find out at all, I'll do a disguise. False moustaches. Two of them at least. She'll never know. It's that or we lose the Space Cup, right, and our reputations will be forever tarnished! We never lose! Don't let your future wife ruin that for us!
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You might want to go with four, just to be safe. And a wig. She is quite clever, you know. [ see? complimenting lily is not that difficult sirius. ] But if we can get your adequately hidden, we'll have no issues at all. The Space Cup will be ours and we'll be space champions.
[ it's really quite sad that james would have no idea what the word 'intergalactic' means ]
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Are you joking, I'm not covering up myhair with a wig. There's no way, mate. Deprive the world of this? [A gesture toward what is--you have to admit it!--his really good hair. Complimenting Sirius is even easier. Go on.] I'll do the rest of it, though, for the Space Cup, and for the glory of Gryffindor and all.
Though I s'ppose that means we'll have to teach quidditch to the muggles in the first place. Won't that be interesting.
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This is for your safety, you know. [ Have an eyeroll for that hair flip, Sirius, because really. Really. ] For the glory of our house. For Gryffindor.
Ehh, I'm sure they'll pick it up easy enough. Get 'em a broom and a bat and they can pick up on the rest.
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[He pauses, for effect.]
--unsportsman. But I like it.
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[ James scoffs, appalled that Sirius would even think such a thing. ]
They'd hardly be unsuspecting. They'd have volunteered! Hopefully.
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[Having muggles play qudditch is dangerously close to muggle-baiting, isn't it, which Sirius disdains. But then again, it's also a good prank, so-o....
He grins.]
Hopefully?
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[ who wouldn't want this wind-swept, just-got-off-his-broom look anyhow? ]
Hopefully! I mean, would you turn down the chance to fly if you've never done it before?
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I dunno if I would or not, I can't remember not flying, y'know? I expect I wouldn't turn it down... flying being brilliant and all... I mean, really, we're giving them a chance of a lifetime!
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[ really he just wants to play quidditch. more than almost anything. ]
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[Solemnly, he presents his hand for a handshake because this is a very solemn moment.]
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[ And James will solemnly shake in return because it is important that they both understand the solemn nature of this agreement. ]